Having
big bo obs is a blessing — and a curse. You look awesome in tight tops,
your cleavage is enviable and you always feel se xy.
While that’s
all well and good, it’s also hard to find clothes to fit you properly;
you’re in constant back pain, and you feel objectified because of your
body.
But there’s no struggle so real as adding your period to the
mix. All of those “benefits” fly right out the window, and all you’re
left with are too giant, liquid-filled watermelons that make your life
for the next week (or more) exceedingly difficult.
A well-endowed
woman knows what I’m talking about. Big boobs are a far cry from f*cking
enormous boobs — and the latter’s what we deal with monthly.
Too much of a good thing isn’t always bad, but it is when it comes to boobs.
These are 21 struggles every woman with big bo obs goes through while on her period:
1. You have to have an actual period bra because your bo obs go up two cup sizes.
And
your “period bra” is never a “cute” bra. It’s always some
full-coverage, flower-printed nightmare from the distant corners of the
department store.
2. Back pain is so real.
As
a big-breasted lady, you know the back pain comes with the territory,
but when you’re on your period, it’s like a whole other ballgame.
Your lower back feels like a jackhammer is being rammed into it with the violent force of a thousand tornados.
3. It’s like carrying around two giant water bags.
Each
bloated bo ob weighs about 9,000 pounds. It’s laborious to walk, to
stand and to function like a normal human when your bo obs are this
gigantic and this heavy.
4. You can’t see your feet.
And
putting on shoes is a nightmare. Try as you might, your feet have
disappeared for the next five days. Make sure to hold every railing you
can possibly grab. The vertigo is too real.
5. They make you never want to get pregnant.
Yes,
this is what it’s going to be like, girl. Gigantic, milk-filled breasts
for over a year. If you can’t even handle a week of this, how are you
supposed to survive breastfeeding?
6. They hurt.
They just f*cking hurt.
7. You’re super horny but they’re too sensitive.
Your
period makes you horny, and your hormones are running as wildly as a
17-year-old boy at a skin film. And yet you cannot engage your
overly-sensitive boobs into the game because the minute a hand (or
mouth) makes contact, they feel like they’ve been lit on fire.
8. Your bra gives new meaning to the word “chest cage.”
Never
will you hate a bra so much as you do when you have your period. Bras
are already relics of medieval torture, when your boobs are extra
enormous, it’s like hell on earth.
9. All of your sweaters and tops get stretched out so you can’t wear anything cute.
You’re
basically confined to oversized pullovers and your boyfriend’s
button-ups for a solid week. Your body is looking awesome with these
humungous boobs, but no one can fully appreciate the view.
10. You have to skip the gym because they hurt when they bounce.
You
could get a sports bra made of steel, but it’d ever be enough. Running
on a treadmill is like wearing two industrial water jugs around your
neck.
11. Your ni pples get HUGE.
Having big bo obs
comes with having large nipples. It’s honestly bizarre how much they
expand when your period comes. It’s really not a great look.
12. It hurts to breathe.
You’re
in your office constantly pulling the underwire of your bra away from
your ribs so you can catch your breath. It’s like trying to breathe
underwater, through a straw.
13. You can’t be on top.
At least you can make him do all the work?
14. You can’t find a position to sleep.
There
is no way to sleep comfortably when your boobs are this big. You can’t
sleep on your belly because it hurts; you can’t sleep on your back
because you can’t breathe and you can’t sleep on your side because all
of your weight distribution is completely off.
15. They go away.
Even
though you kind of hate them a lot, it’s a little sad you get to have
these giant grapefruit tits for just one week every month.
If you
gave your number to a hot guy, he’s going to think he’s losing his
marbles once he takes you out. But then again, if he doesn’t call you
again, he obviously was a creep anyway.
16. Your friends keep touching them.
For
some reason, the second Aunt Flow comes to town, your tatas become part
of the public domain. Your friends are baffled and intrigued by you.
All they want to do is touch. Once this happens enough times, you’ll
realize resistance is futile.
17. The locker room is uncomfortable.
…Everything is uncomfortable.
18. After drinking, you could breast-pump alcohol.
If
your boobs didn’t feel super swollen before, you can bet your sweet ass
right now they’re over-the-top and filled with fluid. You sometimes
consider just pumping and dumping.
It’s like having milk jugs with no baby to feed and, therefore, no relief of any kind.
19. You can’t walk up and down stairs.
Walking
up and down the stairs is a literal safety hazard. You could have one
of two things happen: You could give yourself a black eye by the sheer
upward propellant of your bouncing tits, or miss a step, eat sh*t and
break your neck.
20. When you hold a baby, you are mom.
Babies
think you’re their mommy because they assume your swollen chest bags
are a source of nourishment for them — and believe me, getting felt up
by an infant is awkward for everyone.
21. Your body looks bangin’, but you can’t do any banging.
Your
bo obs are enormous, which makes your waist look even smaller. You’re
practically f*cking Kim Kardashian right now — minus all the farting and
bloating — but unless you’re going to part the red sea, you’re nothing
but eye candy.
Sexual frustration is never fun, especially when your hormones already have you emotionally wrecked.
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