Dear Worried Reader, your question is HOW can a relationship exist without se x, and not CAN a relationship exist without se x...There is a big difference between these questions. One question knowledge, the other seeks wisdom. Many of us know that a relationship should exist without se x. The bible, God, and nature is already clear about that. Nature demands faithfulness between partners of commitment, so no man goes around testing oranges before he buys them. If he tastes them, he has already bought them! Period! To contest with God's knowledge is to embrace foolishness and only fools says there is no possibility of holiness, purity, and righteousness, lest Christ death be in vain.
1. Ensure the relationship is defined from the onset: If a relationship has an objective solely for fun and games for the onset, then, there is not need trying to hope it will not achieve se x. Raise the purpose of your relationship beyond the platform of se x. Understand that relationship are for synergy, not just se x. Define your purpose of coming into that relationship and let purpose drive the hallmarks of the relationship.
2. Understand that our emotions will seek expressions of intimacy. Many people confuse se x and intimacy. Se x can exist without any connection of intimacy. Therefore intimacy can exist without physical intercourse. Caring, attention, and respect are higher forms of intimacy that may not require exchange of semen. Focus on intimacy, not se x.
3. The ultimate objective for a relationship should be for marriage, not loneliness, and not to while away time. Therefore focus on confirming compatibility of your values, your directions in life, and compatibility of your temperaments. The love hormone often pushes people to overlook character flaws, and focus on momentary pleasures. Therefore, ensure that your relationship is ACCOUNTABLE to a mentor, and that the places of your meeting points encourage the objectives of this relationship. You can't meet regularly in atmospheres conducive for se x, and hope not to take a ride.
4. Avoid long duration of relationships. The urge for se x is real and human. Don't tempt it when you are not ready for the responsibility of love. In my book, WHAT THE RABBIT DID NOT KNOW, I give seven things that must be in place before you embrace love. I have never seen a prepared man who meets a prepared woman and has to wait longer than 6 months to 1 year to get married. Most long courtships are because folks are not prepared emotionally, financially, spiritually, and still have a conflict of short term goals of academics. Get ready before you hook into love.
5. Finally, we have the grace and power of God, through the Holy Spirit. Adam brought his Eve into the presence of God. It is a man's duty to lead his bride into God's presence, and not take her away from his presence. We can't achieve purity, without dependence on the Holy Spirit. Scripture says, He helps our weakness. God knows that the flesh is weak, so He gave us the Holy Spirit. I do not encourage men who are struggling with their work with God, to drag another lady into it. Get fit with God. Heal your emotion wounds. Get free from pornography and masturbation. Recover from lust and addictions by the power of the Holy Spirit and read good books, like HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS MESS. As a lady and a guy, be filled with the Holy Spirit, He is the Spirit of Holiness, and if we rely on his power, He can sustain us so that the bed will be undefined. Therefore, be prayerful. Be led of the Holy Spirit. Be one with God. Always remember that WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, and HIS COMMANDMENTS ARE NOT GRIEVOUS.
In conclusion, remember that in the midst of this crooked generation, people are still getting married as virgins. SBNS Headquaters just had one of our staff who married recently as a virgin and we are very proud of her testimony. I hope that these few points will help you in your quest for wisdom in this area of life, and for any who might have already failed, may you arise and embrace forgiveness for sins, freedom from addictions to se x, and restoration to the path of purity and grace.Amen
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