Ladies!
Ladies, ladies, ladies, listen up! You know what? Gentlemen! You listen up, too. We need to talk about something. I’ll give you a hint: It rhymes with smaginas.
Va'ginas. More specifically, we need to talk about loose va'ginas. Or rather, the lack of looseness you all seem to be unaware of — the complete misconception that once a vag is stretched, it is stretched forever. Get your heads out of the dark ages!
So, it would appear there is ample confusion surrounding the idea of “loose” and “tight” women. So many wrong ideas. So. Many.
There are four main old wives’ tales about the mysterious va'gina, a flurry of myths far too many people believe as far as the whole tight/loose debate goes. They are the following:
1. A virgin’s va'gina is extremely tight.
2. If you lose your virginity, your va'gina is going to be permanently loosened.
3. Having a lot of se'x will make it super loose.
4. Having a baby makes having se'x with your va'gina the equivalent of throwing a pastor into a cathedral.
Apart from these myths and inconsistencies running rampant among the misinformed, there’s a bunch of other fallacies and misconceptions that go along with common va'gina knowledge.
What is it about the va'gina that makes it an elusive enigma trapped under the heavy cloak of socially-acceptable darkness? Why all the mystery? Why all the lies?
I’m over it. It’s time to get educated. Without further ado, let’s get all of those pesky questions out of the way so you can know all there is to know about your lady organs. Party on.
Let’s talk about the straight up anatomy involved with the va'gina for a hot second
As Psychology Today suggests (and because I can’t think of anything of an equal or less grotesque nature), when visualizing how the va'gina works, picture the following:
Imagine a hand towel stuffed inside a thick sock squeezed by two hands. The sock is the va'gina. The towel is the folded muscle tissue of the va'ginal wall. And the hands are the pelvic floor muscles that surround the va'gina.
That taut muscle tissue is very elastic, like a rubber band, and like a rubber band, when you stretch it out and let it snap, it will go right back to its original form.
The vagina is no different. It acts the same as the rubber band: when it is penetrated, it is temporarily stretched out and then returns to its normal state.
That means just because you’ve gotten a lot of man- (or dildo, vibrator — really whatever you’re into) action doesn’t mean you’re going to mess up your vintage vag. Sexually adventurous ladies, rejoice!
Did I just blow your mind?
So, what happens when you’re ho'rny, baby?
Unlike your man, whose pe'nis becomes er'ect like a soldier ready for battle when he’s ready to get it on, the va'ginal muscles relax when it’s time to do the dirty.
Of course, when you think about it, this makes perfect sense because we, biologically, want to make it as simple as possible for an erection to enter us, you know, for baby making. (Yeah, I go into a cold sweat when I think about getting pregnant, too, you’re not alone.)
BUT, listen closely, my pets, that does not mean your honey pot is going to be looser. It just means the muscles are relaxed to allow for se'x to take place.
Remember that tight sock between two hands we talked about earlier? When your muffin is ready for the stuffin’, the va'gina becomes like a loosely-held sock. Get me?
What else happens? As Kinsey notes, the vagina also becomes naturally lubricated upon arousal, permitting easy penetration.
This happens because of the increased blood flow to your lady bits. So, you literally do become a little “hot and bothered.”
Can your Gyno tell how many people you’ve had se'x with?
According to Dr. Rebecc a Brightman, private OBGYN and Assistant Clinical Professor of OBGYN at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, andDr. Dan Nayot, Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility Specialist at TCART Fertility Partners, your gyno definitely cannot tell how many partners you’ve had se'x with.
So, stop your worrying every time you stick your feet in those metal stirrups, lady.
Pregnancy, babies and the truth about your ability to bounce back (in the sack)
Having a baby is a pretty scary thing, anatomically, if you think about it for a minute. You’re pushing a 7-10 pound creature out of your va'gina.
It’s not like any pe'nis you’ve experienced is that big. (And if it was, well, that’s another conversation you’ll need to have on another day.) So, it’s easy to think that giving birth would do a number on your va'gina.
But, as it turns out, whatever stretching is involved will go unnoticed by your husband or baby daddy and it will return to normal within about six months.
As Dr. Brightman puts it:
Va'ginal walls may be more lax after a pregnancy, particularly after a va'ginal birth, but many partners won’t be able to notice.
If you give birth to a monster baby, you know, one that has one of those “how is that a newborn?!” heads — tighten yourself up a bit faster by doing Kegel exercises.
According to The Baby Center, regular Kegels don’t just help restore your downstairs strength, but also strength in the anus and the urethra.
How to do Kegels: Simply take a page out of Samantha Jones’ book and tighten and release your vagina for two minutes a day, three times a day.
What about pregnancy later in life?
As I’ve pointed out, the elasticity of the va'gina can be equated to that of an elastic band.
Like an elastic band, pulled and snapped over and over for a long period of time, when you stretch a va'gina, eventually it will lose some of its ability to bounce back with same strength as it did, say, in your early twenties.
So, there may be something said for choosing not to delay starting your family until your 30s or 40s. According to Psychology Today:
Many women delay childbearing until after 30, and some have children after 40. Combine the rigors of older childbearing with the effects of aging on the va'ginal muscles, and many women complain of looseness.Women who give birth after around 30 may notice persistent looseness after delivering only one child.
Again, the best remedy for this would be performing Kegel exercises.
It’s important to note, however, that Kegels do not strengthen the va'ginal muscles themselves (the sock inside the hands from our previous metaphor), but rather the pelvic floor (the hands that hold the sock).
This means your va'gina itself is not getting tighter, it just feels tighter. It’s all the same though, right?
Using “looseness” as an excuse to skip your wax is just that, an excuse
A friend recently told me she forgoes waxing because she’s afraid it will make her va'gina less tight. This, my friends, is a myth. There is no scientific evidence to support this.
If you’re skipping your regular waxing appointments because of some ridiculous fear your lady parts will suffer permanent expansion, you’re just kidding yourself.
With that being said, waxing does hurt like a motherf*cker, so don’t feel bad for ditching it because we all know it’s completely miserable.
Own the fact that you refuse to put yourself through torture at astronomical prices — that’s just reasonable.
Fun fact for the worriers: Anxiety can make you tighter
Anxiety makes the vaginal muscles contract even tighter. AsPsychology Today points out, this is why young girls have issues with tampons and masturbation.
There’s a certain amount of palpable guilt when it comes to self-exploration and inserting a tampon when you’ve never had anything up your lady hole before; it can be downright terrifying.
Ugh, currently having flashbacks to my parents’ downstairs guest bathroom when I decided I should get my sh*t together and stop using pads at the ripe age of 12. *shudders*
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