The first time Bimbola met Stephen was when she was an undergraduate student at the Lagos State University (LASU) and it was love at first sight.
Though she tried very hard to play the ‘hard to get’ card but couldn’t resist his charm for too long. Stephen is everything any lady could wish for. He is tall, fit, soft spoken and above all appears shy and innocent.
Bimbola isn’t bad looking herself. She has a round curvy body that will drive any guy insane. Her natural dark and glowing hair fits perfectly with her light complexion. Averagely tall with a medial chubby body, she wears a smiling face that gives a welcoming embrace to everyone. She looks angelic. Even though ‘Steve’ as popularly called didn’t appear as a guy with much financial strength, Bimbola didn’t care and when he asked her out she didn’t reject the offer, but sincerely who would?
That was seven years ago, Bimbola and Stephen have since graduated and even gainfully employed. The two lovebirds have grown to become fond of each other. In fact their relationship has been a source of motivation to friends who doubt the existence of true love. But all isn’t well as some may have expected.
Bimbola has waited endlessly for him to make the formal move to concretize their courtship but Stephen isn’t forthcoming. The frustration of having to attend wedding of friends who had lesser courtship years weighs her down every moment. Wedding occasions have suddenly turned to moments of sober reflection. The question on her mind every time has been; Will he ever propose?
Like Bimbola many ladies of marriageable age are experiencing this same difficulty of having their companion pop the ‘Will you’ question. The frustration of having to wait endlessly for him to be ready especially as the female gender seems to have a timeline for marriage can be frustrating. Most who have been in long courtship experience the hardest of the hit as they often see themselves as outdated ‘product’ that wouldn’t be most appealing anymore. The question of; where do I start from? Am I not wasting my time with him? always take over the mind while he keeps stalling.
Today I will be giving a man’s perspective of why we (guys) take time in taking our partners to the altar.
To some, marriage is a key that signifies the conjugation of love and a gateway to parenthood, to others it is a mere ceremonial formality to celebrate an already existing love life while to another it is fulfilling the religious requirement for a man and woman to live together.
But away from the beautiful bridal train, gorgeous wedding dress, smiles and laughter from friends and family lies a more serious commitment that the pages of Ovation magazine, Bella Naija and other top event tabloids won’t show.
Getting married isn’t just about being ‘ripe’ for it but requires a psychological state of mind that is convinced you are ready to wake up every day for the rest of your life beside this lady.
Guys naturally love their freedom, we want to hang out with friends, watch football, get home at convenient time, not getting woken up at midnight for some ‘important’ discussion, have friends come around and so on. Most times it is hard to let go of this freedom. In an African society that expects baby(ies) nine-month after marriage, it takes an extra step to prepare the mind for the addition of the ‘daddy’ title to one’s name. While a guy may indeed love a lady the fear of being ‘tied’ down is something he would think about deeply.
Most ladies complain bitterly that guys, as they put it ‘want to make all the money in this world’ before getting married. While money isn’t necessarily an element of successful marriage, our society has made it an important tool to consider. There is a religious believe that marriage brings wealth. Gambling on such notion seems a risk too severe to take. In fact a peep into the reality of our society and the level of poverty has diminished any positivity such believe has as one begin to wonder, if truly marriage brings good fortune, how come thousands of married families still live in abject poverty? Yes, making ‘all the money’ (which I won’t advise) is predominantly selfish but before taking the marriage step, a guy must have attained some level of financial independence.
A wise man once said, ‘Before you get married you have love but when you get married and don’t have money, the love takes a vacation as what really holds marriage is the ability to fulfill ones financial responsibilities’.
How then can you get him ready?
1. Getting Pregnant: Some ladies have argued that getting pregnant for a guy is the best way to drag him into marriage. While this tactics may have proven effective in the case of a reasonable guy who wouldn’t deny you and the unborn child, it is one of the most ridiculous way to become his wife. A lady who ties down a guy with pregnancy may succeed in making a father out of the guy but never a husband. Marriage requires love, affection and commitment but when you create a father without husband then you shouldn’t complain when he shows traits of unfaithfulness.
2. Nurture his mind into marriage: The heart of a man may look hard but deep inside it is flexible and easily tameable. First you need to study your partner, know what he wants and work on it. Nurture his mind into marriage by giving him a glimpse of the fun in marriage. Don’t create a picture of a boring lifetime in chains but a life of fulfilment and adventure. Give him the freewill to enjoy his football, watch his movies and even sleep on couch. You don’t have to do the house chores personally but ensure it always gets done.
3. Assist Him: If he has financial responsibility, show him you are more of an asset than a liability. Give him a helping hand once in a while but don’t show predominance over it. Don’t go buying baby stuffs or forcing him to watch Disney channel, it passes the message of baby, baby, baby to him. Watch that scary or action packed movie together. Be a problem solver. Guys hardly let out half of their thoughts, if you have been dating him for a while you should be able to know when he is disturbed. Try and find out what the problem is and solve it.
4. Let him miss you: Let him miss you once in a while, let him do the callings. Give him room to show his affection. Spend time together to discuss about your relationship, don’t leave anything behind, let him know your mind.
5. Give him his freedom: His freedom also extend to his phone, please let it be. Give him the confidence that he can leave his phone beside you unlocked and you won’t rush going through it and for goodness sake, don’t wake him up in the middle of the night to talk, if you want to talk, do it before he sleeps abeg.
Like Us on Facebook!
0 comments:
Post a Comment